A bad mother
From classical to metal, I love listening to music at our house. The country of reggae; and all in between. A good jam can brighten up the mood and fill the voids and be a good excuse to do some heart. So when I first worked with James Brown's "Boss" and worked, I could not wait to do LOUD in the living room, and I was boating with my kid. But I know that the children have ways to crush your good intentions. They really know how to wrap over your dreams. If you try something fun you think they like, you will not be able to enjoy it. What they actually robbed from their activities is not what you planned ...
So I played the song. Bop and all the fun times were there. I sang along my favorite line: "Look at me! Do you know what you are seeing? You see a bad mother! A bad mother" good? I will be asking about "bad mother" till my almost 3 years old. How do they live in the forest, "roaring" is said, generally it is a very terrible animal. Swell! I am already somewhat unsafe and overly concerned about what people are thinking about my childcare.
So, I (seriously) everyone joked about it. I talked to them about 'boss'. When you hear my child speak of a bad mother, you really are not your story. Hee hee! cute! My lack of foresight; the situation is a little poetic. Why do I feel that it does not work well enough? - I think about it, I am doing wonderful things! My child is smart, healthy, and fun. We have a happy normal family. So why conviction of guilt? Why do I feel that I am being scrutinized?
It was a process to eliminate anxiety. I am learning to recognize and criticize the idea of pressing imminent born of comparing myself with other moms. My children are happy Even if we do not do crafty projects everyday. I am good as a parent As a person who has time to make a garden and secure food. I can not cook without a doubt, but I can learn.
In social media, as most other moms and fathers are seeing, we want to do our best. Therefore, I am comparing myself with those who do not exist! - They are mine. idea What is a perfect parent? right. I feel it is not safe for these reasons, but I live with my children. Perhaps I have more friends and families in my daily life, I have examples and experiences that underlie child rearing. - Of course not to time out Me My child is not the only one.
It takes the village
I know that I feel like this is not my only parent. I misunderstand as one of the reasons: Child care is more difficult than we expected, we lost proverb & village.
Everyone says that "a village is necessary to raise children." This phrase is thought to have occurred widely in Africa. I believe others are rooted in Native American culture. Either way, this famous saying comes from the time and place people shared. Friends and family nearby were the world where neighbors were. Everyone played together, worked, celebrating with sorrow. Today our society is compartmentalized. Most families are islands, but we are generally independent. I feel that the community is barely short and we are getting more and more sad.
I've been longing for a long time ago when my family lived together and worked. To be honest, I am a child in the 1980s and I am waiting for neighbors and friends to be together for barbecue and card games not to be so far. - Before the Internet, TV, smartphone destroy everything. Please understand that I am not anti-technology. Getting all answers with your fingertips is a great thing, especially as a new parent. Support groups and forums are very useful. But, while having these tools, there is no doubt that a big distance between us has caused wedges between people in the same room.
We still need my aunt and uncle, cousin and grandfather. They replaced the digital babysitter. Previously "I came to visit with my grandmother and my mother was able to cook." Next time, "Do you want to see another movie? OK OK, I think so ..."
I am tired of actually going to see people. I need to plan. Please make your children clothes with cute clothes, bring extra, take a bath. When we go home to other people, I spend most of my visits to chase and scold kids. There are very few sitting or uninterrupted conversations. There is confusion. We are tired from getting tired from home. They will give up temporarily to leave my house until I enter high school. Having a healthy social life is very difficult for several small children ... and I am lucky enough to get more aid than in most cases.
Any help I can get.
I am one of lucky: I have a wonderful husband. I know that many people do not have that life support device, but I have an unexpected difficulty. (To one parent: I will pay the hat) We are very grateful to you for the law to live our way to the right. They are always there and are keen to help. I am also grateful to Mama. She lives in several towns, but I always come to my supporting role. These people constitute my tribe among others.
I understand that I have received a great deal of support, but I am still not satisfied. I have a day to withdraw my hair. I just do not want to do days - Mom - For a while. I, "I thought that I had no patience about this, but I was too close to knowing anything about my child, so I am sucking this ..." I felt sick. I shouted. I took her to the time-out chair with her arms. I bowed.
So I apologize. I repeatedly ask these beautiful little monsters to forgive my mama. She is doing her best. She is not like a mother who she imagined herself when she was ignorant. She asks "Where is my village?"
Realize that the struggle is real
Before I became a child, I was able to be a perfect parent. I never said it better by myself. I know the people who judge me most severely, they are those who do not have their own little life sentences. I am one of those people, so I know this. "I will not malfunction when I have children, because I am tough and consistent. I thought: "There are children who are far ignorant than me, there are children every day - this is there! I did not know that the last drop of sleep, patience ended. I did not plan toilet training and public disobedience. (I also did not plan to go down with a debilitating chronic illness, but that is a story about another article)
In the early pregnancy of my second pregnancy, I knew a woman whose two girls were also about 15 months apart. When I told her I was pregnant again, a very worried face encountered her face. She told me about being overwhelmed. She cried out to the children about being very dissatisfied. "Oh my!" I thought: "I will never cry to my baby !!" Ha. Haha. C
Another neighbor's friend broke up mildly all night. She leaves home and does not say anything to her child or husband, she rides in the car and runs away. She checked in the hotel room and checked her life for about a minute. It was time she had difficulty skipping colors since then ... but I ask: Where is her village?
I propose a solution
I feel as admitting insufficiency as a mother, so I think I am afraid to ask for help. We do not want people to inform us that someday we are in our minds. We never admit that we are not supermarkets. We are angry: We are sad. Many of us use antidepressants / anxiety drugs.
I want to do something about it: Set a personal goal of inviting one friend to my house once a week. Since I have not actively invited, I complained that people will never see me until I notice it sometimes. Going to see family members frequently takes precedence (may be tired). We will promote group activities centering on serious projects:
- Window washing party
- Gardening · Toronata
- Split wood and stake out
- Canning Shandig
- Yard work Shenanigans
Please bring wine and chocolate. Bring beer and Bratwurst; any opportunity and whatever the company asks for. Next week, please go to someone else's place and help out what projects are emphasized. Do it together. Not only is "a lot of hands doing a light job" but also achieving the goals with real people is big, small, but good for you, your family, and your community.
I need less time to spend on social media. I feel connected, but it is not so. I make a phone call and send my card. This summer I am working on my own work. It is to encourage each other to go out and work together. Let's make a village.
